


Canis Major

by little0bird



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 04:26:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20221774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little0bird/pseuds/little0bird





	Canis Major

He remembered standing next to Harry, side-by-side, curses and hexes flying off the tips of their wands. He remembered battling Bellatrix, his mad cousin. He laughed because he was free of the house, filled with a glee he didn't know he possessed. For the first time since he'd escaped from Azkaban, Sirius truly felt free. He knew he shouldn't have gone to the Ministry, but he couldn't sit at home any longer, while others fought the good fight. He remembered yelling at Harry…  _ Nice one _ , he'd said. He'd had to stop himself from calling Harry "James". He'd done that quite a bit before, too: nearly slipping and calling Harry by his father's name. It made Sirius wonder if he was descending into madness. It didn't make much sense. Harry was nothing like James. Sure, he looked like him. But where James had been smugly self-confident, and a bit egotistic, Harry was almost his polar opposite in personality. Sirius had noticed it the year he'd spent in hiding on the grounds of the school. Harry wasn't quite what Sirius would call aloof, but he was rather hesitant with his affections, but once they were given, Harry fiercely protected those he chose to love and cherish.

He remembered throwing his head back and laughing.  _ Careless… _ Taunting Bellatrix, knowing it would enrage her. She'd never had the best temper. Laughing until her curse hit him squarely in the chest. He'd had a spare moment to register it with shock.

And then a strange sensation of falling backwards and never once hitting the ground.  _ Why don't I land on the ground? _ he wondered.

Falling, falling… Eternal falling.

Until he sat up with a gasp.

* * *

James stood in a swiftly-moving river, skipping stones idly in the bright sunlight. 'Ever have regrets, Pads?'

Sirius slowly opened his eyes.  _ Where the bloody hell am I?  _ 'James?' he croaked. There was a  _ splash _ and cool water stippled his body.

'Well, who else?' James said with slight impatience. 'D'you ever have regrets?' he repeated.

'Sometimes,' Sirius allowed, carefully sitting up, waiting for his head to fall off.  _ I must be dreaming… Yeah, that's it… I indulged too much in drink last night… _

'We should have kept you as the Secret-Keeper,' James mused. 'I should have listened to Lily. She never trusted that rat, anyway.' There was the sound of rippling water, and James stepped onto the grassy riverbank. His trousers were rolled up to his knees, exposing his pale legs, liberally dusted with black hair. 'Maybe if we had gone through with it, the way things were originally planned, we might have been able to raise Harry ourselves.'

'Why did you do that?' Sirius wondered.

James sighed. 'You were the easy choice. That made you dangerous.'

'I wouldn't have told,' Sirius said mulishly. 'Not even under an Imperious or a Cruciatus.'

'I know,' James said quietly. 'One day…' he growled.

'What?'

'One day, I'm going to get my hands on that rat-faced git and beat him into a bloody pulp.'

Sirius didn't miss the steely undercurrent in his friend's voice. He had never heard it in James' voice before…  _ Not until they found out Lily was pregnant. And then all the time once Harry was born and they went into hiding… _

He took a deep breath. 'I regret…' The breath slowly blew out. 'I regret going after Peter. Because I left Harry alone.' He glanced at James, sitting cross-legged next to him. 'Am I dreaming?'

In reply, James reached out and savagely pinched Sirius' nipple through the material of his shirt.

'Ow!' Sirius yelled, sitting up, and slapping James hand away, rubbing the offended bit of skin. 'That hurt!'

'It was supposed to,' James said diffidently.

'Guess I'm not dreaming, then,' Sirius mumbled, still trying to rub the sting away from his chest. 'I'm dead, aren't I?' he asked hesitantly.

James nodded.

'Well, then…' Sirius stared at the glittering water. 'I regret never telling…' He paused. 'Remus…' he said in low, choked voice.

'What? That you're…' James snorted in amusement. 'We knew. Just like you and I knew that he was a werewolf when we were twelve, Remus and I knew about you when we were thirteen.'

'Did it… bother… you?'

James shook his head. 'Nah. Didn't change  _ you _ , you swotty wanker.'

'I can feel the love…' Sirius muttered sarcastically. 'No, I regret not telling Remus…'

'He knew,' James interrupted.

'Oh…' Sirius said weakly. 'I know he didn't reciprocate… And never would.'

'I know.' James looked at his bare toes for a long moment, tactfully allowing Sirius a moment to collect himself. 'Snivellus…' he finally sighed.

'What about him?' Sirius said sharply.

James made a small gesture with a hand. 'Do you ever… regret…?'

Sirius flopped back down to the grass and watched fat, fluffy clouds float across the clear blue sky. 'I don't know…' he replied stiffly.

James peered down at Sirius. He supposed Sirius hadn't had the opportunity to observe like he had. 'I do,' he said simply. 'Doesn't mean I like the slimy git,' he added quickly. 'But still…'

Sirius said nothing, keeping his gaze on the clouds overhead.


End file.
